Staying Well: How Play keeps Families Strong in Crisis
Staying Well: How Play Keeps Families Strong in Crisis
In times of crisis, more important than whether you stay or go is following the leading of the Lord. We can become fixated on what we think we should do, but the answer is simple. We should release human conceptions and indeed our own ego, and humbly seek direction from God.
Sometimes that answer requires obedience. He calls us to leave when we want to stay.
He calls us to stay when we want to leave.
But in all things, He works for our good. Not only our good, but the good of our entire family.
With recent events causing crises around the world, I’ve been conversing with families and member care about how to have healthy families when we choose to stay. Whether they’ve evacuated to stay in a nearby country or remained in a dangerous location, we’ve joined with them to prayerfully ask how these TCKs will be supported and nurtured even now.
Last week, one of our crisis care debriefers provided a virtual debrief for a family. As team leaders, they had been exhausting themselves dealing with the crisis and the well-being of the whole team. They took care of their children’s well-being by scheduling this debrief.
During a crisis, fun very easily falls to the wayside, but in our Season of Crisis debriefs, we emphasize play and doing it together as a family! This family learned how important play was for family connection, nervous system regulation, and as a crisis response strategy.
How Play Works as a Crisis Response Strategy
When stress is high, your brain focuses all energy on surviving the threat. Anything that distracts becomes an irritant, even a child seeking connection. This isn’t a flaw, but God’s own design. If you were in danger, it would be a fatal mistake to become distracted by even your sweet-faced angels.
But that stress response is designed to be temporary. Unfortunately, we find ourselves in long-term stressful situations. Thus God offers us a peace that passes understanding. It does not make sense for us to take our attention off the threat of a drone strike or the overflowing inbox of people demanding updates, or even just the void of the uncertain future. But we can choose to take captive every thought, to divert our attention to play, and choose joy, even in chaos.
When we do, we build connections with the people we play with! Everyone’s nervous system relaxes, and we’re all better for it. Kids gain better impulse control, adaptability, and obedience. Adults make better decisions, have better emotional regulation, and are more emotionally available to those around them. So I always recommend that you have some game ideas that are easy to play when you need relief.
Peace that Passes Understanding Games
Our Season of Crisis Debrief is full of games, because joy gives us peace even when we’re still in the midst of crisis.
Here are a few of my current favorites. Full disclaimer: these games are so silly, it does not even make sense how incredibly powerful they are. Find the closest person and try them out. Playing them now prove their effectiveness and help you remember them when you need them.
Peanut Butter Jelly - This game turned my grumpy pre-teen boy into a giggling sweet-faced angel in 20 seconds. Pick the person who needs the most control (like a grumpy pre-teen), and they say “Peanut Butter” in a silly voice. Robot voice, squeaky voice, pirate voice. Everyone else has to say “jelly” in unison in the same voice. Then they say peanut butter again in a different voice, and the game continues.
SoundFX - The person who is in the best mood makes a face, action, or gesture, while the person who needs the most control makes sound effects for them. It can be ones that match perfectly or don’t match at all. These are also fun to record and watch the video back!
1-2-Word-Association (for 2 players) - You count down - 1… 2… - and then you both say a single word. Then you go again, trying to think about what those two words have in common. The goal is to say the same word at the same time. (i.e., “pencil/cloud”... “erase/lining” “drawing/sketching” “sketchbook/pad” “paper!”
These games are perfect for being silly and getting you in sync with each other. Laughter and connection are incredibly powerful responses to stress and crisis.
Resources for Crisis & Play
I hope these games will provide many giggles for you and those around you, that shoulders will drop, breathing will deepen into belly laughs, and your world will seem more peaceful, even if the world still isn’t.
And for even more support: If you are in crisis, first, I recommend our Season of Crisis Toolbox. This resource was written like a warm hug from me to you in this difficult time. I would love for you to pair it with the Fun & Traditions for Globally Mobile Families workshop. While this isn’t targeting crises, it is an excellent resource for choosing fun.
If you need additional support, please inquire about our Season of Crisis Debriefs, where we help your family learn tools and skills to cope with a crisis while having so much fun, you regulate your nervous systems in the process!
And if you’re someone who supports TCK families and would like to know how to offer a Season of Crisis Debrief yourself, please enroll in our Crisis Care Training. Many people don’t realize that asking kids to process right after a crisis can increase the risk of PTSD. Some people are afraid of causing harm, feel like they’re not qualified to offer support, and so provide none. Meaning kids are left without any at all during incredibly difficult times. In actuality, you don’t need to be a therapist or a mental health care provider to play with kids and teach them how to regulate after a crisis. This training will equip you.
